Tujhse Naraaz Nahin Zindagi...

Today, while coming back from office, I was listening to one of my old CD's which I had digged out this Diwali vacation. The song from Masoom summed up my feelings: "Tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi, hairaan hoon main...".

Read this... It is very much true for all of us at some time or other.

Quarter-life crisis

Maybe we all go through this "Being Twenty-Something". It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to The past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself. And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty something friends. Maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US
CHEERS!

No posts for sometime...

Check out my other blog where I try to share my experiences while travelling:
http://travelwithraman.blogspot.com

It is not cricket...

Cricket... It is a religion in India. And for me it is a long cherished passion. I am among a billion Indians who just can't live without it. India cricket has given a lot of greats to the world of sports and we had our ups and downs in cricket. It has always been a great experience following Indian cricket. India has gained a lot of respect recently in test cricket with wonderful performances down under and in Pakistan. Before the dramatic events of ashes this summer, India was the only side being considered good enough to remove Australia from the top slot. Of course, our one-day performances have been quite questionable lately.

But the recent events have really upset everyone following Indian cricket. Greg Chappell and Ganguly have locked horns publicly and all the mud is out on the walls. Media is doing a great job in making it as ugly as possible but that is there job. But all said and done, it is not cricket. This is not what a cricketing nation like India want to see. There will always be stories inside the dressing rooms. But why should it be out in newspapers. This is another issue. But considering that of all what is published even if half is true, there is something seriously wrong with Indian cricket. Who is responsible? Nobody will ever know all the details. But it shows a very serious aspect of Indian cricket and the whole process.

We are a country of hero-worshippers. We had all time greats like Gavaskar and Kapil but even they had a fair share of criticism and bad phases in life. Who can forget the great match fixing saga and Kapil's interview on BBC. But public has short memory. They will come in millions to greet their heroes after a win and will paint their house walls black if they fail. Even a player like Sachin has not been left alone for no reason of his when people started speculating about his injuries and wrong choice of bat and what not. But Sachin has been an example. Perhaps the best in history of Indian cricket for carrying himself really well. The recent events just show how we need more players like Sachin to keep the dignity of the game.

Saurav is great player. He has done a lot for Indian cricket. He has been a tremendous one-day players for years and the best captain in Indian cricket history (at least by statistics). But he has always been an eccentric person. He has his limitations. He more or less accepts them but he believes in himself to come out of it. He is a leader who will go wrong at times and accept it openly but will not back out. That was his strength in the past but it has now become the biggest issue in Indian cricket. His cricketing abilities are being questioned for quite some time but he was still considered the best captain till Greg Chappell decided to blow the cover. No doubt that Ganguly has one of the toughest job in the country but he has blown away his career by behaving in this manner in media. He has never been the best person to hide his emotions but this time it has gone too far.

I am not suggesting that all the fault is with Ganguly. If he is not supposed to be good enough to be playing in the eleven, then why is he chosen as the captain of the side. Cricket does not have the concept of non-playing captain. Why should Chappell be suggesting Ganguly to step down in the middle of the tour. Why can't we have a system where we choose the playing eleven first and then the captain. And that's what Australia does and Greg Chappell is new to our Indian system. He is trying to apply the Australian concepts in India which will not work just like that. It is a fault of our cricketing traditions where we can not easily remove the heroes even though we have better people to replace them. We need to change this soon to protect cricket in India. Because of all the hype and money, it is not surprising that it gets to your head and everyone can not be a Sachin Tendulkar. Saurav needs to take a leaf out of Sachin's book. That will make all the difference between him being just the most successful captain and the greatest captain of all times for India. I just hope these things do not remain in headlines for too long for the sake of cricket.

Recipe for Happiness

Today I feel a little philosophical. So, I am writing about something which I always think about. What is happiness? Why do I see very few happy people around? Why is everyone cribbing? Somehow I am not able to feel unhappy. Everyone can say that he has seen worse and I do not know how bad it can get, but I do not want to argue about that.

I somehow believe that I have seen a lot of situations in life (perhaps everybody would be thinking like that), but I have always believed that happiness is nothing but an illusion that you have to create around yourself. It is all about the kind of expectations you set around yourself. If you expect something which you do not get, that is the time you start feeling sad and unhappy. And we humans have a basic tendency to take all the good things in life for granted and then just crib about anything which is not according to what we want or expect.

I will share a few tips of how I keep myself happy. First and foremost, I never expect a huge deal from anything in life. I am not a pessimist. In fact, I am an optimist to the core. But I always keep in mind the worst possible scenario and prepare myself for it. And if the worst comes, I try to enjoy it thinking that I can add this to my experience and learn from it. Yeah, it sounds too theoretic. But the other trick I add to it is that I enjoy it by overcoming the so-called “bad” time by taking pride in going through it gracefully and then feeling good about myself. Does it make sense? Perhaps not. But that is my way of looking at it. I have enjoyed many things which majority would see as the most painful days in their lives.

But things are not that simple always. Physical trouble and pains are something different from emotional sufferings. Human is a social animal. Everyone needs at least a few particular people to go on in life. And then the expectations can not be avoided. I have been disappointed many times in life by many people. I used to feel angry and think about it for a long long time. I always gave a lot of importance to relations which I make. And it used to make me feel bad about why things happen wrongly. But then one day I got up and said to myself, why I should suffer everyday for something which is not my fault. I did whatever I felt right and I can not do anything even if I was wrong. I just do not look back. After all, I can not reverse the time. So, what is the point? Easiest thing is to blame yourself and keep on thinking about what you could have done. The other easy thing to do is to blame the other person and keep on cribbing about that. But in both the cases you are doing nothing but hurting yourself. But it is not easy to forget. So, I have a simple way to balance it. I think about how many mistakes I have made in life and I blame the other person and imagine that it is another mistake from that person and justify it in some frame of his/her. And somehow it all looks very easy to take. This is a very interesting exercise and it helps you grow. I feel much more open to things in life once I start realizing that everyone has his own way of living and you have to start respecting that.

Finally, the most important thing in my life to stay happy is that I always keep myself involved in something new. Something which I have never done in my life. This world has a lot to offer and you have a lot of time in a lifetime. Just look around and happiness is spread around you like a buffet. You just have to pick according to your taste buds. And remember happiness does not always cost a whole lot. It needs a little bit of innovation though.

I am not a great writer or something. But this was my attempt to understand myself and to put things in perspective for others. This topic is very close to my heart and if you are still with me, I would like to see some really thought provoking comments.

Potter Mania: Are you still not in?

Harry Potter: the boy with the mark. There must be very few of our generation who are not hit by Potter mania. If you are one of those unlucky ones, I would say you are missing something in life. Some of my friends say that it is for kids and they are too proud being grown up. I do not mind that as I have always enjoyed being a kid and I will always have a kid alive in my heart. And whenever I read HP, I feel something special. It is a fiction so well written that no wonder we have so many HP fans. It has become a religion.

Here are some of the websites from HP fans which would give you a good idea on how much people can research about their favorite subject:

http://www.mugglenet.com/
http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/
http://www.hp-lexicon.org/
http://dumbledoreisnotdead.com/introduction.html

Are these people crazy? Many would say that. But I really love these websites. This shows how much of imagination one can come up with by a good piece of fiction. The best part of the books is that they are very well planned and you can hardly find any fault with the whole story. Of course, some fans are too good with finding some minor glitches. And what I love most is the kind of speculations that go on about what is going to happen next. It might not last long as there is only one more book left as JKR has always maintained that there are only seven and she will have nothing to write after that. But as long as it is still a mystery, I would never stop enjoying the theories HP fans come up with.

There are a lot of arguments on which book is the best. My personal best is POA because that was the first I read, but I enjoy the connections between books much more. So, I would never rate any particular book in the series. And as the wait grows for each book, we tend to expect more and more. And it is not fair for new books to be judged against the initial ones which I had just picked up because I had nothing else to read at that time.

If you are still waiting to read HP, do not think that it is for kids. Just grab your copy and enjoy this timeless classic. I would say only one thing to conclude: If the world comes to an end and in the new era if we find these books and are able to decode them, there is nothing which can stop up from thinking that there existed a magical world of witches and wizards. I find it no different from Mahabharata and Ramayana in terms of quality of fiction. That calls for another debate which I would avoid as I know that it is not going to be accepted by everyone out there and I like to stay out of trouble.

Stock Market for Indians - Casino or Investment place?

I am a kind of person who would try everything in life once at least. But most of my new interests last a few days or maybe months. But when I started stock trading, I knew I am in for a long long time in it. I really loved it. This was like a game for me to start with. Very fascinating game. Mind you, it was serious as real money was involved in it. But what excited me most was the way it works and how it throws new surprises at you every day. And the most important thing was the kind of knowledge it gave me about India in general. I started knowing more and more about Indian companies and Indian economy.

But I can't help looking back at how many people told me that it is not good. In my family (like any average Indian family), nobody had ever taken much interest in stocks etc. and the only investment looked into was "safe" instruments like bank deposits and other government run schemes. And I really wonder if anybody would have cared for those schemes also if there was no tax saving clause. When I used to talk to my friends, everybody thinks that stock market is like casino. The words that I never stopped hearing were: "Nobody has made money in stock market". Perhaps that is true. But we just hear stories when someone got bankrupt because of stock markets. Do we really repeat a story to others when someone makes a lot of money in stock market? Also, the reason for some people making huge losses in stocks is when they take loans for trading and then they follow some misleading broker and put a lot of money in some junk company to make quick bucks. Those people never know much about the company they are investing in and they are fooled by some operators in the market.

I have been enjoying trading in stocks for almost 5 years now. I have not done badly. I have seen many interesting times in markets. Indian markets have made new highs and new lows. I have seen from Sept. 11, BJP debacle, to the recent highs of the market. More and more Indian companies are making it big in the world. India is being noticed everywhere. Money is flowing from various parts of the world. But unfortunately Indians have not yet woken up.

With the interest rates going down and with tax soaps being taken away, Indian salaried class people have very few options. People are cribbing everywhere about it. But I fail to understand the disappointment. Indian stock markets are booming. And the things had never been better. Things are changing with a lot of IPO's coming into the market and people starting to gain interest. But we need to look beyond the quick money from stock markets. We need to invest in sound companies and be patient.

I am not trying to tell that everyone should just pick up their bank books and head towards Dalal Street. It is not risk-free and not everyone can afford the risks associated with stock trading. But one should evaluate one's risk profile and find out how much one can invest in such investments. And to start with, one can invest in some good mutual funds as they have been doing really well for past few years. But one should always be aware of what one is doing. I have seen people following the stock brokers/operators and loosing huge money as they do not know where they are actually investing. Do not look out for quick money. Look to invest in hand-picked companies and be patient. And enjoy the Indian growth story. It is really disappointing to see that less than a percent of Indian public's saving is invested back in Indian economy. We are always relying on foreign investors for putting money into Indian markets. Why can't we Indians realize the potential of India and take part in fast growing Indian economy?

I love my India... But?

Note: I had written it for myself on one fine day which happened to be 15th August. I kept it in my hard disk as personal notes. But, I thought I should put it here. So I did some minor edits and published. But it is not meant to enlighten anyone and for that matter even myself. It is just an emotional outburst which can happen to anyone, especially people living abroad.

What is Patriotism?
I am not a patriotic guy. I am a common Indian who doesn't get tired of shouting for India when a cricket match is going on. I enjoy seeing good economic numbers and predictions about India. It feels so good people talking about 2020 and 2050 and what India will achieve by that time. Yeah, it feels so good. It feels so good hearing A R Rehman's Maa Tujhe Salaam. It feels so good seeing the tricolor everywhere on 15th August. But I am not patriotic. I somehow do not feel proud about my country. I somehow do not think we are going towards building a great nation. When I am having fun with my friends, I don't mind the jokes like "This is how it happens in India". We have accepted these facts. We have got used to it. Still I love hearing praises about India. I am not able to understand. Is it how we define patriotism?

Why am I thinking like this? What has stirred me today? Maybe it is the effect of staying in a country called South Korea for some time. Incidentally, they share the independence day with India and I got the holiday today here too. And it was just a couple of years ahead of us. This is what makes me think all this. Otherwise, am I bothered? No. I am another common indian trying to make it big for myself. And I am always justifying that whatever I do is also a contribution for the development of our nation.

But I see around me and can't help thinking that what can be done in a span of 60 years. When Japanese left Korea, they didn't leave anything. They even burnt the forests while going and these people were left to die of hunger. But look around now. They have perhaps the best infrastructure in the world. They have more foreign reserves than India (after all the India shining stories). They have a huge list of home grown brands like LG, Samsung, Hyundai, Daewoo, POSCO, which are competing with the biggest guys in US or anywhere in the world. But one can always argue that they are the allies of US and got all the support from them. And India is growing of its own without a godfather. Also, India is a big country with lot of diversity, etc. etc. I am the one who used to talk about the other side all the time, defending India's slow growth as compared to some of the other asian countries.

All that is true. But I am coming to some other point. What I really liked here is the attitude of the people. They really love their country. They do not show it off by celebrating it loudly on liberation day and singing songs all over schools and public ceremonies. They celebrate it everyday. You can feel it in their everyday behavior. They follow some rules/norms as a community which makes you feel that we are all humans and everyone shows respect to fellow humans. Yes, rules are enforced as the fines are big. But it is a part of their everyday life and it seems deep rooted.
And in contrast, we believe that India is a democracy where everyone has the right of doing whatever he wants. We do not feel bad for anything. But it will hurt us if we are suddenly forced to follow these norms. How can you ask for a 1000 bucks fine for littering on the road? How can you ask for a 3000 bucks fine for not stopping for padestrians crossing? How can you fine some car which splashes water on some padestrian? We are a democracy and we have the right to do as we wish. But it is not about enforcement. It is about building a culture. I can talk miles about a Korean national pride and how they really feel about the image of their country. But, I would give just one simple example instead.

It was a cold winter evening. It had snowed last night and in the chilling wind it was even difficult to take your hand out of the leather gloves. Temperature was somewhere around -10 degree celcius. I went to downtown area to pick up a calling card. In a small kiosk, a very old lady was selling the calling cards. I showed her which card I want and paid the money through a small opening and she pushed the card from there. And I removed the wrapper of the card and I was looking around for a trash bin. The old lady opened the window with shivering hands and told me in sign language to hand over the trash to her. I also had a disposable coffee cup crushed after use and she asked me to give her that as well. I was really touched.
A contrasting scene on New Delhi platform. A guy in pretty nice winter clothes (looked like some executive) waiting for Rajdhani express to Mumbai. He goes to a small kiosk for tea. After finishing the tea, he simply marches towards the tracks and throws the cup with great satisfaction. And then when he comes back to his earlier position, I can't help noticing a big trash-bin right next to his luggage.

But I am happy to see that things are changing. When I talk to the younger generation of today, I feel really good about these things. All is not lost. But we have a long way to go. We do not need patriotism with tricolors being waved from every corner of street and people singing vande matram and all kind of patriotic songs unless we have some national pride built into us. I am not even talking about bigger issues of corruption and what not. We have taken certain things for granted as part of our freedom. We have become selfish to the core. Do we ever care for our fellow countrymen? Do we care for how India can be made a better place to live by following simple social norms? On the day of our independence, we need some education on what freedom means.

Me... Who am I... I am happy that I don't know...

This is something which I never thought I would do. I am writing a blog. What is a blog? I never liked the idea. Or did I try to understand the idea? I never read anyone's blog because I thought these things are stupid. Sometimes I used to get the links of the blogs of my friends. I thought it is just another way of killing time. Everyone wants to be heard. And it is a good medium. But why should I be bothered. I do not have time for all this stuff. I do not accept things too easily, do I? Well, that is the point where I can start.

There is something in everyone which makes you believe that you are different in a special way from others. I believe it is too strong in me. It gives me confidence to go on. But I never understood myself and for that matter I never tried. Am I making sense? Ha... Let me put it this way. I was always made to believe that I am different from others. Why? Maybe I achieved too much in life which I never expected. Or maybe its a basic nature of human kind to look out for moments to feel special. Anyways, it is not about this.

I wanted to talk about the question without looking for answers. And the question is this: Do you know who your are? I think everyone has an answer for this as people do not like the idea of not having the answer for it. After all it is about your own identity. But, I like the idea of not having the answer for it. It gives you so much freedom. Imagine, a child who is just starting to walk or just starting to understand the things around him. There is so much to explore, there is so much to know. That child is just starting the journey. Not burdened by the thoughts of what he is, what he wants to do in life. Every new step is fun. It is undiluted fun. And that is what I relate to. I like being that child forever. I want to know more and more things. I want to explore more things as if I am just starting my journey. That's where the search begins. I wake up everyday and look at life for something new. Some things which will be different from yesterday. Obviously, life has a habit of being painfully monotonous. But that is where you pitch in. You can do things in a different way. You can do very basic things differently and monotony of life will never haunt you. Have you ever tried how can you vary your breakfast everyday? Have you ever thought how you can drive your car differently everyday? I sound crazy. Yeah, sometimes I think that. I am no writer. But I would make another attempt to convey my thoughts.

Have you ever tried looking at the people around you with so many diverse interests? Everyone is unique in something or other. Maybe good or bad. But thats a relative thing and I do not want to get into that. The point is that if you just learn one thing from everyone around you, life will be totally different. Am I contradicting myself? Perhaps, yes. I said that I do not accept things easily and then I say that I want to learn from everyone around me. But the idea is to be yourself in whatever you do. On the way, you are bound to be impacted/inspired (or whatever is the appropriate word for it) by others. But you are not supposed to copy anyone. You have all the freedom to take it the way you want. And one can always enjoy doing it a thing which others are doing by varying it in his own "special" way. And this is how I define myself. I am nothing but an assortment of all the people I meet and talk to in this journey called life. My previous experiences teach me to filter things out. And this continues. I do not define myself. I just carry on adding to myself without looking back on what I have gathered. Well, now you would say that what is so special about it. This is true for everyone. If you don't say that, great. I feel happy that I am special. And if you do say that, I am even happier that I am a normal person. This is how I believe in taking life. Being happy with oneself is the best thing one can do in life. Do whatever you want to do, listen to everyone in life, do it the way you would like it to be. But if you are not happy with yourself, there is no point in being right or being special or being someone to look upto. There is a catch though. If I am happy with myself, I will never change for better. But if you are following me from the start, I think I do not need to answer this.

I hope I have spent a good deal of time on searching for an answer to who I am. And I kept on arguing that one should not look for answers to such stupid and silly questions. That is why my friends tell me sometimes that I am confused. But I am happy being confused because I am definitely confused about the fact that how I am confused. And I do not bother about it as long as I am happy with myself.

Finally, this blog was dedicated to myself and my home alone weekend with a lot of rain around. I did something new again though I had very few options. But I liked the experience and I will be back here.